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Eddie RUKidding - 2-9-2025 at 23:28
Plook - 3-9-2025 at 15:12
Classic...
Sorry couldn't get rid of the water mark...
Eddie RUKidding - 3-9-2025 at 23:20
Eddie RUKidding - 3-9-2025 at 23:29
one more for the world ')
Eddie RUKidding - 7-9-2025 at 08:14
A man goes to the doctor and says, “I keep seeing a werewolf, with big sharp teeth.”
The doctor says, “Have you seen a psychiatrist?”
The man says, “No, just a werewolf.”
Eddie RUKidding - 8-9-2025 at 07:42
Eddie RUKidding - 11-9-2025 at 06:09
I have a friend from Barbados who's always telling me his favourite numbers:-
1, 8, 27, 64 and 125
He's Cubin'
Eddie RUKidding - 11-9-2025 at 23:26
Eddie RUKidding - 14-9-2025 at 00:10
Eddie RUKidding - 18-9-2025 at 01:48
Eddie RUKidding - 19-9-2025 at 00:09
ursinator2.0 - 19-9-2025 at 19:36
or:
Plook - 19-9-2025 at 23:14
We are no longer allowed to make jokes in the US being
funny has been
CANCELED
Eddie RUKidding - 19-9-2025 at 23:50
^LOL
- Frank would never make it to stage these days..........
Eddie RUKidding - 22-9-2025 at 01:14
The Lord moves in mysterious ways.
But you don't have to.
Please use your indicators!
Eddie RUKidding - 22-9-2025 at 23:12
Pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground, because booty is only shin deep.
BBP - 23-9-2025 at 09:57
Definition of a professional musician: Someone who puts $10,000 worth of gear into a $1,000 car to drive 100 miles to play a $10 gig.
Eddie RUKidding - 23-9-2025 at 23:52
Plook - 24-9-2025 at 23:11
Eddie RUKidding - 26-9-2025 at 00:02
I asked my mother if she took Paracetamol when she was pregnant with me.
She said only when she had a really bad hangover...
Eddie RUKidding - 27-9-2025 at 23:57
Eddie RUKidding - 30-9-2025 at 23:23
Every morning I take my pet cow for a walk through the vineyard. That's right - I herd it through the grape vines...
BBP - 1-10-2025 at 19:42
https://www.theguardian.com/science/2025/sep/29/can-you-solv...
Eddie RUKidding - 1-10-2025 at 23:16
Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only has a photo of one of them in her wallet. Because, when you have seen Juan, you've seen Amal.
Eddie RUKidding - 6-10-2025 at 01:45
Eddie RUKidding - 7-10-2025 at 22:27
Eddie RUKidding - 8-10-2025 at 23:32
What did the Drummer with triplet baby girls name them?
Hanna 1
Hanna 2
Hanna 3
Eddie RUKidding - 9-10-2025 at 23:25
A women appeared in court for killing her husband.
She evidently smashed him over the head with his vintage guitar collection.
The judge asked “First Offender?”
“No” she replied “ I think it was a Gibson!”
Eddie RUKidding - 10-10-2025 at 22:43
Eddie RUKidding - 13-10-2025 at 05:09
A hippopotamus is faster than a human being on land and in water........
The only way to beat it in a triathlon is to have a really good cycling stage.
Eddie RUKidding - 14-10-2025 at 22:28
Eddie RUKidding - 16-10-2025 at 01:38
I just heard that a man collapsed on the big wheel at the local fair.
Paramedics on site say he is slowly coming around
BBP - 16-10-2025 at 19:49
Strippers don't have air conditioning in their homes. ............Onlyfans
Eddie RUKidding - 16-10-2025 at 23:13
The only thing I trust in newspaper's nowadays is fish & chips.
Even then I take it with a pinch of salt.
Eddie RUKidding - 17-10-2025 at 22:23
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend!
Eddie RUKidding - 20-10-2025 at 00:47
Eddie RUKidding - 20-10-2025 at 22:29
My cannibal girlfriend finally convinced me to sleep over.
She promised to make me breakfast in the morning.
Eddie RUKidding - 26-10-2025 at 00:18
A man was stopped while trying to board an aeroplane with 2 heavy sacks over his shoulders
The airport man said "What's in those sacks"
"They are full of mobile phones" said the person trying to get on the plane
"Where are you going with those "asked the man
"My friend n Ireland is in a band and he asked me to bring 2 saxophones"
Eddie RUKidding - 26-10-2025 at 23:26
If gnomes were able to give blood what blood group would they be?
Haemogoblin
Eddie RUKidding - 29-10-2025 at 01:51
I quit my job to pursue a career in archaeology. Now my life is in ruins.
Eddie RUKidding - 29-10-2025 at 22:43
Eddie RUKidding - 9-11-2025 at 23:54
The furniture store keeps calling me, asking me to come back. But all I wanted was that one night stand.
Plook - 10-11-2025 at 18:22
Why did the peperoni get released from the hospital?
It was cured...
Eddie RUKidding - 10-11-2025 at 22:50
"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that, who cares? He's a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!"
Plook - 12-11-2025 at 01:47
In Hawaii do they allow loud laughing or just a low ha...
Eddie RUKidding - 12-11-2025 at 02:42
^ 
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
Eddie RUKidding - 14-11-2025 at 00:03
Eddie RUKidding - 15-11-2025 at 23:28
Due to personal reasons, I will be saying “Aye” and “Arrrggggh” instead of yes and no from now on.
Please respect my piracy at this difficult time.
Plook - 16-11-2025 at 19:38
My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
Eddie RUKidding - 17-11-2025 at 01:08
Eddie RUKidding - 17-11-2025 at 22:20
Eddie RUKidding - 18-11-2025 at 22:22
I gave my handyman a list of 5 things to do. When I got home only 1, 3 and 5 were done. I asked him why, and he said "I only do odd jobs."
Plook - 18-11-2025 at 22:43
I went to a gender reveal party. Everyone else was dressed...
Eddie RUKidding - 19-11-2025 at 22:35
joke-money-not-a-gas-jpeg.
Attachment: joke money not a gas.jpeg (24kB)
This file has been downloaded 32 times
Plook - 20-11-2025 at 18:37
What are three two-letter words that mean "small"??
"Is.... It..... In???"
Eddie RUKidding - 20-11-2025 at 22:47
^
My doctor gave me three months to live, so I shot him.
The judge gave me 20 years. Problem solved! 
Plook - 21-11-2025 at 18:18
Divorced Barbie--she comes with all of Kens things.
BBP - 21-11-2025 at 22:26
https://www.amazon.nl/Dark-Side-Spoon-Rock-Cookbook/dp/17862...
Eddie RUKidding - 22-11-2025 at 22:30
A priest in a mask just threw some holy water at me.
A bit odd I know, but I think it’s a blessing in disguise.
Plook - 23-11-2025 at 22:54
The reason Barbie never got pregnant is Ken comes in another box.
Eddie RUKidding - 24-11-2025 at 02:17
^lol
One sunny afternoon, an elderly woman named Violante was cruising peacefully down the highway when she noticed flashing red and blue lights in her
rearview mirror. Without a fuss, she pulled over to the side of the road. A young, nervous-looking officer approached her window.
Officer: “Ma’am, do you know why I pulled you over?”
Violante: “Is something wrong, Officer?”
Officer: “Yes, ma’am. You were speeding.”
Violante: “Oh, I see.”
Officer: “May I see your driver’s license?”
Violante: “I would, but I don’t have one.”
Officer: “…You don’t?”
Violante: “Nope. Lost it about four years ago—for drunk driving.”
The officer paused, clearly rattled.
Officer: “Alright… Can I see your vehicle registration, then?”
Violante: “Sorry, can’t help you there either.”
Officer: “Why not?”
Violante: “Because I stole the car.”
The officer’s jaw nearly hit the ground.
Officer: “You... stole it?”
Violante: “Yes. And just so you know, I killed the owner. His chopped-up body’s in the trunk.”
Now pale and panicked, the officer backed away slowly, hand on his radio. Moments later, squad cars surrounded the vehicle. A senior officer
approached, hand resting on his holstered weapon.
Officer 2: “Ma’am, please step out of the car.”
Violante stepped out calmly, even smiling.
Officer 2: “One of my officers says you stole this vehicle and... murdered the owner.”
Violante (cheerfully): “Murder? Oh my! Of course not. Feel free to check the trunk if you’d like.”
Cautiously, the officer opened the trunk. It was empty—nothing but a few reusable grocery bags.
Officer 2: “Is this your car, ma’am?”
Violante: “Certainly. Here’s the registration.”
She handed over the papers. Everything checked out.
Officer 2: “And your driver’s license?”
Violante opened her purse and handed it over with a pleasant nod.
The officer looked it over, stunned.
Officer 2: “I don’t understand. My officer said you didn’t have a license, that this car was stolen, and... you’d killed someone.”
Violante chuckled.
Violante: “Let me guess… I bet he also said I was speeding.”
Plook - 24-11-2025 at 22:24
I have powdered water but I don’t know what to add to it.
Eddie RUKidding - 24-11-2025 at 22:39
^ Ice, powdered water on the rocks lol
Technology will never produce a writing implement with the same grace as an old-fashioned pen.
It has no e-quill.
Plook - 25-11-2025 at 21:53
When my gynecologist asks me what I use for birth control, I say, "my personality."
Eddie RUKidding - 25-11-2025 at 22:23
^ LOL was that Madonna 
I once dated a girl who was actually a ghost. I knew as soon as she walked through the door.
ursinator2.0 - 26-11-2025 at 20:58
Eddie RUKidding - 26-11-2025 at 22:23
Two nuns sharing a bath:
Nun 1 - "Where's the soap?"
Nun 2 - "Yes it does, doesn’t it!"
Plook - 27-11-2025 at 00:52
If you're scared of escalators, there are steps you can take...
Eddie RUKidding - 29-11-2025 at 23:48
Eddie RUKidding - 2-12-2025 at 01:50
I was wondering what soap I should use to clean my pet dolphin.
Then I realised an all porpoise cleaner was the best
Eddie RUKidding - 2-12-2025 at 22:28
I applied for a job extracting coal but they said I didn’t have the right experience.
Never mined.
Eddie RUKidding - 3-12-2025 at 22:26
I don't mean to brag but I finished a puzzle in one week.
The box said 2-4 years.
Eddie RUKidding - 5-12-2025 at 00:08
Eddie RUKidding - 5-12-2025 at 23:27
A friend told me she didn't understand cloning.
I told her that makes two of us
Plook - 6-12-2025 at 18:05
Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Eddie RUKidding - 6-12-2025 at 22:41
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer - I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
Plook - 9-12-2025 at 22:32
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta!
Eddie RUKidding - 10-12-2025 at 08:24
We lost our dog last night while we were making a salad. If anybody Cesar, lettuce know
Eddie RUKidding - 11-12-2025 at 07:52
TWO TIPS FOR CHRISTMAS:
1. Forget the past: you can't change it.
2. Forget the present: I didn't get you one.
Plook - 12-12-2025 at 17:36
Q: What has 5 toes and is not your foot?
A: My foot
Eddie RUKidding - 14-12-2025 at 22:29
I asked the Librarian if they had books on paranoia.
She whispered : "They're right behind you".
Eddie RUKidding - 16-12-2025 at 06:59
For sale: second hand theremin - as good as new, never even touched it. 
Eddie RUKidding - 16-12-2025 at 22:59
I've just been hired at the local boat yard and yacht store.
They made me the sails manager. :0
Eddie RUKidding - 17-12-2025 at 22:56
Last night a man was hit by a violin, then a clarinet and then a French horn.
Police say it was an orchestrated attack. 
Eddie RUKidding - 18-12-2025 at 23:51
I'm teed off that I lost my job at the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off!
Eddie RUKidding - 19-12-2025 at 21:53
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time consuming , especially if you go for seconds......
Eddie RUKidding - 21-12-2025 at 23:34
If you're considering becoming a meteorologist, you have to decide weather or not...
Eddie RUKidding - 22-12-2025 at 23:16
A pirate with a steering wheel on his crotch walks into a bar and orders a pint of grog.
Bartender says, "Why certainly sir, but...did you notice you have a steering wheel on your crotch?"
Pirate says, "Arghhh, and it be drivin' me nuts!"
Eddie RUKidding - 23-12-2025 at 22:37
I nearly went overboard, but luckily I fell into some fish boxes on the deck.
There but for the crates of cod...
Plook - 24-12-2025 at 17:16
What's the best Christmas present?
A broken drum; you just can't beat it!
Eddie RUKidding - 24-12-2025 at 22:31
What do you call Santa without a GPS?
A lost Claus.
Plook - 27-12-2025 at 18:05
How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.
Eddie RUKidding - 27-12-2025 at 21:54
I recently got the words Jacuzzi and Yakuza mixed up.
I’m now in hot water with the Japanese mafia.
Eddie RUKidding - 28-12-2025 at 21:46
I've considered stealing mirrors from a mirror shop.
That's something I could see myself doing.
Plook - 29-12-2025 at 18:15
I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
Eddie RUKidding - 29-12-2025 at 23:18
I quit my job at the helium factory. I wasn't gonna be spoken to in that tone of voice....
Eddie RUKidding - 30-12-2025 at 23:29
I made my wife's dreams come true and we got married in a castle.
But you wouldn't have known it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around.
Eddie RUKidding - 31-12-2025 at 23:32
My new years resolution is to stop using spray deodorant... Roll on next year
Eddie RUKidding - 3-1-2026 at 23:19
Does this mean the Trump will have to return his FIFA peace prize?
BBP - 4-1-2026 at 20:54
Men are from Mars, except for Dutch men...
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