15-1-94 NVHN
Zappa is not dead,
he just smells funny
by Fred van Garderen
No more Stink Foot, no more Plastic People and no more Billy The Mountain. On December 4th last year, a void was ripped in the concertcircuit that can
never be filled again. "Frank Zappa has departed on his final tour." The Head Mother had died of an old man's disease. Never to the
Ahoy' Rotterdam anymore. Over, over are those days.
What remains is a gigantic amount of compositions (1200) of which a limited amount has been released on around 70 albums, here and there a video and a
film; a few posters, a few books. But that's it. The Zappa fun will have to be lived at home now. Cocooning: a living room filled with colourful
sounds, a head filled with spiritual thoughts, and drinking coffee until the body quivers, because that's how the maestro did it.
A naïve thought, as we find a month later. Because after watching Zappa's Universe everything becomes clear. Frank Zappa wasn't the same as
Frank Sinatra, Bob Dylan or The Rolling Stones. Zappa was Zappa. A personality, that's true, but also a composer. Somebody who wrote musc. For
others too. Like Mozart, Varèse and Ravel did. Zappa is not dead, he just smells funny.
The video is filled with 90 minutes of total theatre. The music is Zappa's, but other people play it. A band together with an orchestra. Plus two
vocal groups and a number of soloists. They sing and play the revised works. And give a flaming concert.
The true Zappa-fan knows what it means when the speaker announces "the was I see it Berry, this should be a very dynamite show. You don't
have to be a Zappa-fan to enjoy Elvis Has Just Left The Building (to climb up the heavenly stairs)". It even seems like a beautiful form of
self-mockery, if it weren't for the fact that Zappa was still alive at the time of recording.
Zappa's Universe was recorded in 1991 in the New York City At The Ritz Theatre on the occasion of the 25-year jubilee of the artist Zappa. A
colourful choice from Zappa's work is scheduled. From the sensitive "The Idiot Bastard Son" to the compositional highlight
Echidna's Arf and from the satirical Fembot In A Wet T-shirt (soloist Dale Bozzio sings about her Big Wet Ones) to the church-critical Heavenly
Bank Account (there's a great difference between kneeling down and bending over)
The 6-man band is well obeying the sheet music. Former Zappa bassist Scott Thunes remembers his licks, drummer Morgan Agren reminds us of Terry Bozzio
and Mats Oberk plays the keys like a computer keyboard. Singer/guitarist Mike Keneally has the thankless task of filling in for Zappa. He does his
best. Besides him, ex-Mother Steve Vai and Zappa's son Dweezil solo in Dirty Love, and the gentlemen musicians of the Orchestra Of Our Time freak
out to the composition Waka Jawaka. The quartet The Persuaders adds brown voices and the other quarted Rockapella just voices. At the end a thank you
from Dweezil and before that a Tia Maria-poem recited by Dale Bozzio: "Information is not knowledge, / Knowledge is not wisdom, / wisdom is not
beauty,/ beauty is not love,/ love is not music,/ music and Frank Zappa are the best."
26-2-94 Parool
A hero with two little slaves, by Theodor Holmann
Bought a Frank Zappa record during the sale: Hot Rats. The record was released when I was sixteen, the year I interviewed Zappa.
Frank Zappa was our hero, even though I didn't understand his music. I did understand that he pulled a lot of legs in a superior way - and
that's what appealed to us.
Zappa gave a concert in Amsterdam, and through talking with fathers of friends who worked for the Concertgebouw, we could talk to him afterwards. Back
then, Zappa was performing with the two boys from the Turtles, who had a hit with the song Happy Together. Which was the song with which Zappa opened
the concert.
My friend Pieter and I were there after the concert with a Telefunken tape recorder, that weighed about 19 kilos, and a shopping bag with wires,
old-style microphones and plugs, waiting in front of Zappa's dressing room. Nervous as hell. After an hour, the door of the dressing room went
open and we were allowed in.
I was impressed immediately. There He was. God himself was smoking a cigarette.
"Hi guys," said Zappa, "I'll give you ten minutes."
"What does he say?" asks friend Peter.
"I don't know," I replied, "did he say something?"
We smiled and nodded.
"Theo," said friend Pieter, "tell him we need to hook up the tape recorder and ask him where we can find an outlet."
"Ask him yourself, idiot," I said, "I don't know how to day that."
Pieter opened his tape recorder and I said: "Is a bandrecorder, because we... eh... we... eh... dinges..."
"I can see that. You probably stole that from the Germans in World War Two," said Zappa.
"What does he say?" asked Pieter.
"I don't know. Something about the Germans in World War Two," I said.
Zappa thought what we did was amusing, I think. He said something to his band members and they al burst into laughter.
"Stopcontect," said Pieter all of a sudden, "I need stopcontect, to get tension."
Zappa pointed at Pieter's nostrils, and everybody laughed and so did we. But we weren't out of trouble.
Anyway, cut a long story short, after fifteen minutes the tape was recording.
"You ask the first question," said friend Pieter.
"Me? Why me? You'd ask the first question," I said.
But anyway, I wasn't that dicky and so I read our first question: "Mr Zappa, what do you want to say with your songs?"
Zappa told us an extensive story, of which I didn't understand a word.
"What does he say?" asked Pieter.
"What do I know. Ask him yourself godverdomme {god damn it}
"Godverdomm," Zappa repeated, and with a wide grin he started to say something of which I didn't understand a word.
And suddenly I saw the index finger of friend Pieter moving towards the stop button and turning off the tape.
"What do you do now, idiot?" I asked.
"Listening back if everything is on the bandrecorder", said Pieter, and wound back straight away.
"Well guys, you have to piss off now, come on, or I'll kick your ass."
"What does he say?" asked Pieter.
"What do I know, I think he wets himself laughing because you act like an idiot."
"Look, he's doing it," said Pieter happily when he heard our voices. But Zappa went to the door, still laughing by the way, and said, a
little less cheerful: "Come on boys, get out of here."
"What does he say?" asked Pieter.
"That we have to leave, I think."
Fifteen minutes later we were out back on the Van Baerlestraat.
"What was he saying back there?" asked Pieter.
"What do I know."
Thus my career in journalism started, and now Frank is dead and I still don't know what he said.
It was a strange time by the way. A day later we went to Paradiso, back then the only spot where you could smoke hash and weed without being watched.
I met school teachers there who'd smoked "too much" (we used the phrase a lot back then), I saw chicks I could madly fall in love with
if they'd clap their eyes on me (chicks, another word you can't use anymore) and usually the shows you'd see in Paradiso were "too
mad" (another expression you don't hear anymore).
We smoked a little pirate (you didn't use the word joint) and suddenly I saw Zappa sitting there, drinking. I think, but I'm not sure, he
was there with conductor Edo de Waart. On the other side of Zappa were the two ex-Turtles, up close looking even fatter than they were on stage the
day before. Peter and I walked past Zappa a couple of times, hoping he'd recognize us, and I'll be damned, he called us. He unfolded a piece
of paper that said "Tante Cor, Nieuwmarkt."
"Do you know where that is?" asked Zappa.
I didn't know, but nodded yes, and so did Pieter. We were quite stoned by then. But who was Tante Cor?
"Perhaps a brothel or a whore," said Pieter. I shaked my head, barely noticeable. "They don't call themselves tante {aunt}, or
they'd have to be old whores {ouwehoeren = talking about nothing extensively}. I didn't want to make a pun, but I didn't notice I had
made one untl Pieter laughed.
Zappa asked if we could take him and his friends to Tante Cor on the Nieuwmarkt.
"We want to drink something there." And I think he said it was "the hottest place in town." I understood it must be a café.
We took off, with Zappa and the other boys. Silently, because we didn't know what to say. We walked and walked, Leidseplein, Nieuwezijds, through
to Nieuwmarkt, past the whores and keeping silent, and if our eyes happened to meet we laughed, but no more than that. And by some coincidence I saw,
on the Nieuwmarkt we'd already walked once, the name "Tante Cor" on a sign board.
"Here it is!" I said happily.
"Thank you, boys," said Zappa. He grabbed a handfulof dollars from his back pocket and gave us five each.
"Buy yourself a joint."
And then they went in.
We didn't dare to come with them, because we weren't invited.
25-2-94 NRC Extensive review of the MOJO magazine with a picture of the Zappa toilet mural.
19-3-94 Telegraaf
Interview with Chynna Phillips. She mentioned she didn't like her flower child name, and whenever her mother got tired of her whining about it,
she'd take the phone and say: "Shall I ask if you can stay over at the Zappa family for a while?" I understood that hint, because the
Zappa kids, who were school mates, had names like Dweezil and Moon Unit. That was still a bit worse."
7-5-94 Volkskrant
Article about a planetoid named after FZ.
A short and not entirely factual blurb about the asteroid appears later in Telegraaf.
25-7 articles on asteroid in Nieuwsblad Van Friesland and Leeuwarder Courant, Volkskrant, and Trouw.
TRFZB hit the Book Top 20 in August 1994.
17-9-94 Parool
Huge review of Watson's Poodle Play book, calls it confusing and semi-intellectual name dropping.
14-10-94 Telegraaf
Interview with Terry Bozzio
24-12-94 NRC
Article about CP3
29-12-94 Parool
Highly impressed review of CP3, mentions the entire album will be aired again on a commercial classical channel at 17:45.
6-1-95 Volkskrant
Impressed review of CP3 and Harmonia Meets Zappa
23-6-95 Volkskrant
Long article by Gijsbert Kramer about the Rykodisk re-releases
August 1995: Vilnius statue is erected: articles in Parool and Trouw.
CP3 was played in full on Dutch radio, from 10PM to 1AM.