Truth!

I always get frustrated trying to put my trousers in the wardrobe.

I think I have hanger management issues.

A failed rock musician rents a studio to record his own suicide, and makes arrangements for the resulting disc to be produced and sent to an extensive list of promoters and critics.

In the studio he reads a long statement -

"This is for all you philistines out there who never gave my music a chance, who care only about the bottom line and couldn't give a flying damn about the creative musicians who slog their guts out all their lives just so you can sip cocktails on a beach in the Caribbean... (etc. etc.) well I've had enough, you ignored me, then you cheated me and finally you forgot about me, you ruined my life and I want you to know it's YOU who are responsible for what I'm about to do...."

and he takes out a gun and shoots himself in the head.

From the control room, the engineer says "Good level - shall we go for a take?"

I only believe in 12.5% of everything the Bible says.

Which makes me an eighth theist.

:drums:

William bought a new car with the latest in A.I. technology. When he got home, his wife was tired and asked him to pick up the children from school. William said to the car, "Go to school and bring home my children." The car didn't return for quite a while. Finally, it showed up with an overload of children. The car pulled in the driveway and announced, "These are your children, sir." In the car was their landlady's daughter, the choir director's son, his wife's friend's daughter, the pastor's son, and their neighbor's son. William's wife angrily shouted, "Don't tell me that all these kids are yours!" William asked calmly, "First, explain why our children are not in the car?"

^ Good One- I hope Elon has a similar experience with AI lol

I should have never glued a piranha to my boomerang.

I just know it’s going to come back to bite me.

A well-worn dollar bill and a similarly-distressed hundred-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. They struck up a conversation. The hundred reminisced about its travels all over the country. "I've had a good life," it proclaimed. "I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, Broadway shows, and even a Caribbean cruise." "Wow!" said the one-dollar bill. "You've had an exciting life." "Sure have. Where have you been?" The single replied, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Presbyterian church, the Baptist Church." The hundred asked, "What's a church?"

:guitar::drums::guitar2::singer::devil:

Sooo true...

How many psychoanalysts does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three, one change the bulb and the other two to hold the penis, I mean mother, I mean ladder.

Tried something new last night.

I had curried pelican at my local Indian.

It was lovely but the bill was enormous.

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!

$45 Billion found in a Nigerian man's flat.

He'd spent 10 years trying get rid of it, but nobody answered his emails.