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Eddie RUKidding
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Plook
Joe's Garage Status
Posts: 738
Registered: 11-7-2022
Member Is Offline
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LOL...
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Eddie RUKidding
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What happens if you cross an angry sheep with an angry cow?
You get an animal that's in a baaaad mooood!
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Eddie RUKidding
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Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? S’warm.
If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.
Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”
Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.
I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where theSchwarznegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing uptheir own incision? Suture self.
I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.
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Eddie RUKidding
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A guy goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, 'You're a good bit overweight. You need to go on a diet.'
The guy says 'What do you suggest?'
The doc says' Try the banana diet!'
'What's that?'
'Well, it's like this. You have a banana on the Monday, skip Tuesday, have a banana on Wednesday, skip Thursday, have a banana on Friday and so on for
a month!'
The guy says, 'OK, I'll try it.'
So he goes away.
At the end of the month the doctor phones him to find out how he got on.
The guy's wife answers.
'How did your husband get on with the diet?'
'He's dead,' she replies.
'Dead!?!' says the doc, 'How did he die?'
'Heart attack,' says the wife.
The doctor says, 'That's terrible. Was it the bananas?'
'No!' says the wife, 'It was all that skipping.'
PS the Commander in Orange is now Officially a convicted Felon 
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Mar-A-Igloo
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I'm sure this is a Zappa song 
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Effective 20th Jan, Air Force One will be renamed Con Air.
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