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Eddie RUKidding
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^lol
One sunny afternoon, an elderly woman named Violante was cruising peacefully down the highway when she noticed flashing red and blue lights in her
rearview mirror. Without a fuss, she pulled over to the side of the road. A young, nervous-looking officer approached her window.
Officer: “Ma’am, do you know why I pulled you over?”
Violante: “Is something wrong, Officer?”
Officer: “Yes, ma’am. You were speeding.”
Violante: “Oh, I see.”
Officer: “May I see your driver’s license?”
Violante: “I would, but I don’t have one.”
Officer: “…You don’t?”
Violante: “Nope. Lost it about four years ago—for drunk driving.”
The officer paused, clearly rattled.
Officer: “Alright… Can I see your vehicle registration, then?”
Violante: “Sorry, can’t help you there either.”
Officer: “Why not?”
Violante: “Because I stole the car.”
The officer’s jaw nearly hit the ground.
Officer: “You... stole it?”
Violante: “Yes. And just so you know, I killed the owner. His chopped-up body’s in the trunk.”
Now pale and panicked, the officer backed away slowly, hand on his radio. Moments later, squad cars surrounded the vehicle. A senior officer
approached, hand resting on his holstered weapon.
Officer 2: “Ma’am, please step out of the car.”
Violante stepped out calmly, even smiling.
Officer 2: “One of my officers says you stole this vehicle and... murdered the owner.”
Violante (cheerfully): “Murder? Oh my! Of course not. Feel free to check the trunk if you’d like.”
Cautiously, the officer opened the trunk. It was empty—nothing but a few reusable grocery bags.
Officer 2: “Is this your car, ma’am?”
Violante: “Certainly. Here’s the registration.”
She handed over the papers. Everything checked out.
Officer 2: “And your driver’s license?”
Violante opened her purse and handed it over with a pleasant nod.
The officer looked it over, stunned.
Officer 2: “I don’t understand. My officer said you didn’t have a license, that this car was stolen, and... you’d killed someone.”
Violante chuckled.
Violante: “Let me guess… I bet he also said I was speeding.”
South of the Border
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Plook
Joe's Garage Status
Posts: 733
Registered: 11-7-2022
Member Is Offline
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I have powdered water but I don’t know what to add to it.
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Eddie RUKidding
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^ Ice, powdered water on the rocks lol
Technology will never produce a writing implement with the same grace as an old-fashioned pen.
It has no e-quill.
South of the Border
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Plook
Joe's Garage Status
Posts: 733
Registered: 11-7-2022
Member Is Offline
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When my gynecologist asks me what I use for birth control, I say, "my personality."
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Eddie RUKidding
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^ LOL was that Madonna 
I once dated a girl who was actually a ghost. I knew as soon as she walked through the door. 
South of the Border
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ursinator2.0
Sheik Yerbouti Status
Posts: 428
Registered: 11-7-2022
Member Is Offline
Mood: in between  and 
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Eddie RUKidding
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Two nuns sharing a bath:
Nun 1 - "Where's the soap?"
Nun 2 - "Yes it does, doesn’t it!"
South of the Border
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Plook
Joe's Garage Status
Posts: 733
Registered: 11-7-2022
Member Is Offline
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If you're scared of escalators, there are steps you can take...
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Eddie RUKidding
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South of the Border
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Eddie RUKidding
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I was wondering what soap I should use to clean my pet dolphin.
Then I realised an all porpoise cleaner was the best
South of the Border
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Eddie RUKidding
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I applied for a job extracting coal but they said I didn’t have the right experience.
Never mined.
South of the Border
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Eddie RUKidding
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I don't mean to brag but I finished a puzzle in one week.
The box said 2-4 years.
South of the Border
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Eddie RUKidding
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South of the Border
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Eddie RUKidding
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A friend told me she didn't understand cloning.
I told her that makes two of us
South of the Border
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Plook
Joe's Garage Status
Posts: 733
Registered: 11-7-2022
Member Is Offline
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Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
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Eddie RUKidding
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I bought some shoes from a drug dealer - I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been tripping all day.
South of the Border
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