An Englishman, a Scotsman, an Irishman, a Welshman, a Gurkha, a Latvian, a Turk, an Aussie, a German, a Yank, an Egyptian, a Japanese, a Mexican, a Spaniard, a Russian, a Pole, a Lithuanian, a Swede, a Finn, an Israeli, a Romanian, a Bulgarian, a Serb, a Swiss, a Greek, a Singaporean, an Italian, a Norwegian, a Libyan, a Muslim, a Hindu, a Buddhist, a Zulu, an Indabele, a Xhosa, an Afrikaner and an Ethiopian went to a night club.

The bouncer said, "Sorry, I can't let you in without a Thai. "

Why couldn’t the lizard get a girlfriend?

Because he had reptile dysfunction

A hunter enters the fields of a farm, sees a pheasant and shoots it. The farmer hears the gunshot and runs over to investigate. "Hey! This is private land. You can`t shoot here! Give me that pheasant right away."
Hunter - "No chance! I shot it, and I`m keeping it."
Farmer - "That means that we`ll have to resolve this issue in the traditional manner."
Hunter - "And what would that would be?"
Farmer - "I`ll give you a kick between the legs, then you give me one, and we go on like this until one of us can`t take anymore"
Hunter- "All right."
"I`ll start," says the farmer and kicks him with all his strength.
The hunter turns red in the face, then white, then falls to his knees, then ends up on the floor, and only after several minutes does he manage to regain enough breath to slowly stand up. Still panting, he says, "And now it`s my turn!"
"Forget it" the farmer replied. "You win. Keep the pheasant."

A friend is allergic to escaping prison.

He breaks out in a rash.

What kind of music do mummies love? Wrap music.

When looking for a new car, the salesman said, "Have a look at this model. It will comfortably seat six people with no problems."

I said, "I don't know six people with no problems."

I connected my new phone to the cloud.

Then I started getting mist calls.

What do you call a woman between two houses?

Ali?

Bloke goes to A&E with a golf ball up his arse. His wife says to the doc "it's gone up a fair way..."