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Plook
Joe's Garage Status
Posts: 738
Registered: 11-7-2022
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Eddie RUKidding
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South of the Border
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Eddie RUKidding
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An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.
They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.
He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.
Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!'
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager.
As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock.
'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.'
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,
'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.
PS 2 things about Fosters
1. Its not sold in Australia and is for export consumption only.
2. Fosters is not good enough to be sold in OZ lol
Not to say we have got some really bad beers available on the Oz market, Black Duck (Swan Beer) and West End to name a few
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Eddie RUKidding
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I'm fed up with comments from people ridiculing EVs. They don’t know what they’re talking about.
Personally I drive two of the top of the range EVs from Jaguar and Porsche. Their acceleration and handling is fantastic. They look brilliant and
they’re really cheap to run. They hardly need any maintenance and haven’t depreciated since I bought them.
Literally the only criticism I could make of them sometimes is that if I push them hard into the corner, they can fly off the track and get stuck
under the sofa…
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Eddie RUKidding
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Does not look like a bakery but looks like they put Buns in the oven thou 😉
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Plook
Joe's Garage Status
Posts: 738
Registered: 11-7-2022
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Quote: Originally posted by Eddie RUKidding  | An Australian, an Irishman and a Scouser are in a bar.
They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.
He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.
They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs: 'My God, it's Jesus!'
Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.
Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.
Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.
After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.
He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.
When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: 'My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!'
Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager.
As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock.
'Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's A Miracle.'
Jesus then approaches the Scouser who says,
'Back off, mate, I'm on disability benefit.
PS 2 things about Fosters
1. Its not sold in Australia and is for export consumption only.
2. Fosters is not good enough to be sold in OZ lol
Not to say we have got some really bad beers available on the Oz market, Black Duck (Swan Beer) and West End to name a few
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Great Joke, I am spreading it around but I had to look up what a Scouser was and explain it when I tell it...
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Eddie RUKidding
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Yeah Scouser is an ingrained Pommie slang term for a native or inhabitant of Liverpool ie the Beatles included 
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Eddie RUKidding
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South of the Border
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Eddie RUKidding
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A new Priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.
The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get
nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:
1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C..
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him..
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10) We do not refer to the cross as the 'Big T.'
11) When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said,"Take this and eat it for this is my body." He did not say,"Eat me."
12) The Virgin Mary is not called 'Mary with the Cherry'.
13) The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14) Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
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BBP
Super Administrator
Posts: 8366
Registered: 3-10-2005
Location: Eindhoven, Netherlands
Member Is Offline
Mood: Cheerful yet relaxed
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Advertising Terms Explained: NEW: Different color from previous design. ALL NEW: Parts not compatible with previous designs. EXCLUSIVE: Imported.
UNMATCHED: Nearly as good as the competition. FOOLPROOF OPERATION: No provision for adjustment. ADVANCED DESIGN: The ad agency doesn't understand it.
HERE AT LAST: Rush job; nobody knew it was coming. FIELD TESTED: Manufacturer lacks test equipment. HIGH ACCURACY: Unit on which all parts fit.
FUTURISTIC: No good reason why it looks like it does. REDESIGNED: Previous flaws fixed; hopefully. BREAKTHROUGH: We finally figured out a use for it.
DIRECT SALES ONLY: Factory had fight with distributor. YEARS OF DEVELOPMENT: We finally got it to work. MAINTENANCE FREE: Impossible to fix. MEETS ALL
STANDARDS: Ours, not yours. SOLID-STATE: Heavy as hell. HIGH RELIABILITY: We made it work long enough to ship it.
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Eddie RUKidding
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A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots. But they only know to say one thing'
'What do they say?' the priest asked. They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'
'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment.....
'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible...
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship
and your parrots are sure to stop saying... That phrase... In no time.'
'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'
The next day, She brought her female parrots to the priest's house.... As he ushered her in,
She saw that his two male parrots
were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying...
Impressed, She walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, The female parrots cried out in unison:
Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?' There was stunned silence...
One male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says,
'Put the beads away, Frank,
Our prayers have been answered!
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Eddie RUKidding
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South of the Border
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Eddie RUKidding
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South of the Border
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BBP
Super Administrator
Posts: 8366
Registered: 3-10-2005
Location: Eindhoven, Netherlands
Member Is Offline
Mood: Cheerful yet relaxed
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I accidentally took my cat's medicine last night. Don't ask meow.
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Eddie RUKidding
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Be even funnier if Captain Tom and Adrian Belew were involved
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Eddie RUKidding
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Surely this is a line from a Zappa song or two
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Eddie RUKidding
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Once more for the world (for today) 
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Eddie RUKidding
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Plook
Joe's Garage Status
Posts: 738
Registered: 11-7-2022
Member Is Offline
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Classic Eddie, classic...
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Eddie RUKidding
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Thanks Plook
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