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Eddie RUKidding
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Fancy Dress Party
Host: What have you come as?
Me: A harp
Host: Your costume's too small to be a harp.
Me: Are you calling me a lyre? 
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Eddie RUKidding
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"Doctor, doctor every time I see a biro lid,I get all sad and tearful."
"Tell me how long have you had these pen top emotions?"
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BBP
Super Administrator
Posts: 8264
Registered: 3-10-2005
Location: Eindhoven, Netherlands
Member Is Offline
Mood: Cheerful yet relaxed
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What Is the Number One Complaint from Tesla Employees?
No matter where you are in the facility it always smells a little musky.
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Eddie RUKidding
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My friend keeps saying:
"Could be worse. You could be stuck in an underground hole full of water."
I know he means well.
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During my check up I asked the doctor "Do you think I'll live a long and healthy life then ?"
He replied "I doubt it, Mercury is in Uranus right now".
I said "I don't go in for that astrology nonsense".
He replied "Neither do I. My thermometer just broke".
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I said to the auctioneer "So, this stuffed dog in the auction, what would it fetch if it were in its original condition?”
He said “Sticks”
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Eddie RUKidding
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What do you call a parrot with an umbrella?
Polly unsaturated
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Thinking ahead....
I've just booked the same table as last year for me and my wife on Valentine's Day.
Hopefully she will pot more than one ball this year.
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Eddie RUKidding
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Pablo Picasso disturbs a burglar when he returns to his house one night.
The burglar scarpers sharpish.
Picasso does a drawing of the miscreant for the local police who subsequently arrest a horse and a tin of sardines.
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Eddie RUKidding
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Here is a English one - relevant to the upcoming UK Election 
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polydigm
King Kong Status
Posts: 2211
Registered: 1-4-2006
Location: Horse Tray Ya
Member Is Offline
Mood: Inspired
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That Fewer Trump joke is hilarious!!
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Plook
Joe's Garage Status
Posts: 633
Registered: 11-7-2022
Member Is Offline
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Agree, I have been sending that one around...
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Eddie RUKidding
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Q: How do you know Jesus was into nouvelle cuisine ?
A: He fed five thousand people with five loaves and two fish.
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Apparently Charles Dickens' 'A Tale of Two Cities' was originally serialised in two West Midlands newspapers.
It was the Bicester Times, it was the Worcester Times...
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BBP
Super Administrator
Posts: 8264
Registered: 3-10-2005
Location: Eindhoven, Netherlands
Member Is Offline
Mood: Cheerful yet relaxed
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Philosophy is being in a dark room, looking for a black cat.
Metaphysics is being in a dark room, looking for a black cat that isn't there.
Theology is being in a dark room, looking for a black cat that isn't there, and shouting, "I found it!"
Science is being in a dark room, looking for a black cat, using a flashlight.
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Plook
Joe's Garage Status
Posts: 633
Registered: 11-7-2022
Member Is Offline
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Quote: Originally posted by BBP  | Philosophy is being in a dark room, looking for a black cat.
Metaphysics is being in a dark room, looking for a black cat that isn't there.
Theology is being in a dark room, looking for a black cat that isn't there, and shouting, "I found it!"
Science is being in a dark room, looking for a black cat, using a flashlight. |
I will be borrowing that one Bonny...
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