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scallopino
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Haha. Sounds like the traditional "sex with sheep" gags Australians often say about New Zealanders.
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BBP
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Ah. I don't think the Dutch have a proper ethnic group for such a joke, and I was surprised to hear it with Scots.
You know the difference between a Scot and a Dutchman?
When a Scot goes on holiday, on his map he underlines all the places where he can eat cheap.
Whereas a Dutchman would strike through every place where he would have to pay for a meal.
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BBP
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Wise Advice Department: Whatever you give a woman, she makes it greater. If you give her sperm, she makes a baby. If you give her a house, she gives
you a home. If you give her groceries, she gives you a meal. If you give her a smile, she gives you her heart. And that's why if you give her crap,
she'll give you a ton of sh¡t!
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punknaynowned
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wow!
that's a tall order.
Never heard things put that simply...
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Huck_Phlem
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OK now back to sexy sheepwear.
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BBP
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Huck_Phlem
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OK now thats funny!
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BBP
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Ta! I'd think of something else to make you laugh but right now the inspiration well is dry.
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punknaynowned
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"Is that a real belt buckle or is that nudey belt buckle?"
Cosmik Debris FZ 1979 03 19 Brest, FR instead of the normal line about the sears poncho...
what's a nudey belt buckle?
I guess he could be saying a RUBY belt buckle. But that doesn't make much sense either...
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BBP
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The best way to get a man to do something is to tell him he's too old to do it!
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scallopino
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Hahaha. 
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BBP
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How do New Zealanders practice safe sex? They spray paint an "X" on the back of any sheep that kicks!
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scallopino
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 Very good.
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BBP
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http://www.dailycognition.com/index.php/2007/05/06/idiotic-answers-...
I wish I had the guts to try that when I was in school...
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aquagoat
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hahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa very funny.
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BBP
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Why did the first monkey fall out of a tree?
Because it was dead.
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Why did the second monkey fall out of a tree?
Because it was stapled to the first.
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Why did the third monkey fall out of a tree?
Peer pressure.
---
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BBP
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A teacher was having trouble with one of her students in her First Grade class.
The teacher asked, "Tim, why are you so unhappy?"
Tim answered, "I'm too smart for First Grade. My sister is in Third Grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in Fourth Grade!"
The teacher had heard enough. She took Tim down to the principal's office. While Tim waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he would
remain in First Grade and behave. She agreed.
Tim was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Tim: "Nine."
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Tim: "36.'"
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th Grader should know. The principal looked the Teacher and told her, "I think Tim can go
to the Fourth grade."
The teacher replied to the principal, "I have some of my own questions for Tim. May I ask him?"
Both the principal and Tim agreed.
The teacher asked Tim: "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?"
After thinking for a moment, Tim replied: "Legs."
Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have, but I do not have?"
Tim: "Pockets."
Teacher: "What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?"
Tim: "A coconut."
Teacher: "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft And sticky?"
Tim: "Bubblegum."
Teacher: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do."
Tim: "Tent."
Teacher: "A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first."
Tim: "A wedding ring."
Teacher: "I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you blow me, I feel good."
Tim: "Nose."
Teacher: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver."
Tim: "Arrow."
Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in a 'K' that means lot of heat and excitement?"
Tim: "Fire truck."
Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in a 'K' that if you don't get it, you have to use your hand?"
Tim: "Fork."
Teacher: "What do all men have which is longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after they're
married?"
Tim: "Surname."
Teacher: "What part of the man has muscle but no bone, has lots of veins, pumps, and is responsible for making love?"
Tim: "Heart."
After hearing the shocking exchange between Tim and his teacher, he said: "Send Tim to college. I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"
And... how many did YOU answer correctly?
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Huck_Phlem
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Patty Black is at work at the bank. She is a loan officer.
Suddenly a frog plops onto her desk and proclaims "I need a loan"!
"Ok but do you have any collateral?" She says.
The frog produces these little gold statues. So, Patty goes to the bank President and says.. "This frog came to my desk and wants a loan."
"Does he have any collateral?" Says the bank President. "Well, yes he has these little gold statues."
"Oh those are nick nacks Patty Black. Give the Frog a Loan!"
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BBP
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The Irishman hobbled into a doctor's office. "I think I broke my foot." "What happened?" "Well, it all started twenty years ago." "Twenty years?" the
startled doctor exclaimed. "Yep. I had just started as an apprentice to Sean O'Toole and I was sleeping in his hayloft. The first night, his young
daughter climbed up into the hayloft and asked me if there was anything she could do for me. I said, 'No, I'm comfortable.' and she left." "So?" asked
the doctor. "Then, the next night, she climbed up there again, but this time wearing only a nightgown. 'Now is there anything I can do for you?' she
asked me and again I told her, 'Nope. I'm good.' " "I don't understand," said the doctor. "Then, on the third night, she climbed up there stark naked
and asked me the same thing. And again, I said I was fine, and she left." "I'm confused," said the doctor. "What does this have to do with your broken
foot?" "I'm getting' there, doc. This afternoon, when I finally realized what she meant, I got so mad I kicked a brick wall!"
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BBP
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Guitar Hero I:
http://www.allowe.com/Humor/sightgagbrowser.php?j=2721
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