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DED
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The earthquake in Japan is not to laugh about, but this picture I saw of it make it hard not to.
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BBP
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"Boss, I'm tired of being a human cannonball. I quit!" "But you can't quit!" replied the circus manager. "Where will I find a man of your caliber?"
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polydigm
King Kong Status
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Location: Horse Tray Ya
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Mood: Inspired
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A magician working on a cruise ship is constantly watched by the captain's pet parrot. The parrot gets to know the magician's tricks and starts making
wise cracks that spoil it for him. "Craw!! There's another door in the box!!", "Craw!! There are two different doves!!" and so on. The magician want's
to kill the parrot but can't offend the captain. One day the ship has an explosion in the engine room, fire breaks out and the ship eventually sinks.
The magician and the parrot end up floating on the same piece of debris. They glare at each other for hours but not a word is spoken. Finally the
parrot squawks: "Craw!! Okay, I give in, where's the ship?"
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punknaynowned
Frank Zappa Status
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Registered: 29-8-2006
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Mood: No Mood
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whether a babelfish translator or whatever, the sunglass sellers have a funny way of saying things,
"It is well-known that obtaining a pair of Oekley sunglasses is rather necessary. "
I changed the spelling so searchers hopefully won't find it here.
It's funny for whatever it is that generates it, to be so brazenly extreme with phrases like these and 'desire to to within the sunshine party' ,
attempts to use repeated words and phrases to encourage rhythmic reading which mimics singing songs, to generate enthusiasm to get the product - that
are sunglasses!~ makes me fear they're a Singapore or S orean or worse, North K shop with people having to send out messages ... and having no
knowledge of the language but do have knowledge through psychology and sociology, history ... from books written recently... 'about pattern and
fashion'. It's funny if it weren't so oddly desperate.
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punknaynowned
Frank Zappa Status
Posts: 1283
Registered: 29-8-2006
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in other 'news', I find that I prefer the 'new' Lady Gaga song 'Born This Way' when played simultaneously with the Madonna song 'Express Yourself'.
The journey made me realize that the melody used in both is a good one.
A good catchy one to whistle, turn heads at the office. I'm finding the older I get the easier I am with a good simple melody. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j0PvggdjkKE
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BBP
Super Administrator
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Finger bandit
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DED
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Mood: a happy upgrader feeling
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Cletus is passing by Billy Bob's hay barn one day when,
through a gap in the door, he sees Billy Bob doing a slow
and sensual striptease in front of an old green John Deere.
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette, and
gently slides off first the right strap of his overalls,
followed by the left. He then hunches his shoulders
forward and in a classic striptease move, lets his overalls
fall down to his hips, revealing a torn and frayed
plaid shirt. Then, grabbing both sides of his shirt,
he rips it apart to reveal his stained T-shirt underneath.
With a final flourish, he tears the T-shirt from his body,
and hurls his baseball cap onto a pile of hay.
Having seen enough, Cletus rushes in and says,
"What the heck are you doing, Billy Bob?"
"Jeez, Cletus, ya scared the bejeezers out of me,"
says an obviously embarrassed Billy Bob. "But me'n the
Ol' Lady been having trouble lately in the bedroom
department, and the therapist suggested I do
'
something sexy to a tractor
'.
[Don't make me come splain this to you! ---Read the last line again, slowly.]
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DED
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Posts: 1139
Registered: 16-3-2006
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Mood: a happy upgrader feeling
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DED
Administrator
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BBP
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Two friends were catching up at their class reunion. "What are you up to these days? Got a good job?" "Can't complain. I've got like a thousand people
under me." "Wow, that's impressive! What do you do?" "I mow the lawn at the cemetery!"
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Eddie RUKidding
Sheik Yerbouti Status
Posts: 426
Registered: 11-7-2022
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https://hifiwigwam.com/forum/threads/disturbing-fact-of-the-day.1079...
Is hard to post this here as don;t know how to post images 
https://hifiwigwam.com/forum/attachments/1658495907748-png.82361/
https://hifiwigwam.com/forum/attachments/1658495924990-png.82362/
South of the Border
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BBP
Super Administrator
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For that hifiwigwam to show up we'd need to be logged in onto that site. If you want to post photos and make sure they are shown, you can use the [
img ] tags for that. If you want to be 100% sure that the picture shows, make sure it's from an image hosting that allows deeplinking.
Here's a list for that:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_image-sharing_websites
****
A pastor concluded that his church was getting into very serious financial troubles. While checking the church storeroom, he discovered several boxes
of new Bibles that had never been opened and distributed.At his Sunday sermon, he asked for three volunteers from the congregation who would be
willing to sell the bibles door-to-door for $10 each to raise the desperately needed money for the church.Jack, Paul, and Louie all raised their hands
to volunteer for the task. The minister knew that Jack and Paul earned their living as salesmen and were likely capable of selling some Bibles, but he
had serious doubts about Louie, a local farmer who had always kept to himself because he was embarrassed by his speech impediment.Poor Louis stuttered
badly, but not wanting to discourage Louis, the minister decided to let him try anyway. He sent the three of them away with the back seat of their
cars stacked with Bibles. He asked them to meet with him and report the results of their door-to-door selling efforts the following Sunday.Anxious to
find out how successful they were, the minister immediately asked Jack, "Well, Jack, how did you make out selling our Bibles last week?"Proudly
handing the reverend an envelope, Jack replied, "Using my sales prowess, I was able to sell 20 bibles, and here's the $200 I collected on behalf of
the church.""Fine job, Jack!" The minister said, shaking his hand. "You are indeed a fine salesman and the church is indebted to you."Turning to Paul
the pastor said, "Paul, how many Bibles did you sell for the church last week?"Paul, smiling and sticking out his chest, confidently replied, "I am a
professional salesman. I sold 28 Bibles on behalf of the church and $280 I collected." The minister responded, "That's absolutely splendid, Paul. You
are truly a professional salesman and the church is indebted to you."Apprehensively, the minister said to Louie, "Louie, did you manage to sell any
Bibles this week?"Louie silently offered the minister a large envelope. The minister opened it and counted the contents. "What is this?" the minister
exclaimed. "Louie, there's $3200 in here! Are you suggesting that you sold 320 bibles for the church, door-to-door, in just one week?"Louie just
nodded."That's impossible!" both Jack and Paul said in unison. "We are professional salesmen, yet you claim to have sold 10 times as many bibles as we
could.""Yes, this does seem unlikely," the minister agreed. "I think you'd better explain how you managed to accomplish this, Louie."Louie shrugged.
"I-I-I re-re-really do-do-don't kn-kn-know f-f-f-for sh-sh-sh-sure," he stammered.Impatiently, Peter interrupted "For crying out loud, Louie, just
tell us what you said to them when they answered the door!""A-a-a-all I-I-I s-s-said wa-wa-was," Louis replied, "W-w-w-w-would y-y-y-you
l-l-l-l-l-like t-t-to b-b-b-buy th-th-th-this b-b-b-b-bible F-f-for t-t-ten b-b-b-bucks ---o-o-o-or--- wo-wo-would yo-youj-j-just l-like m-m-me t-t-to
st-st-stand h-h-here and r-r-r-r-r-read it t-to y-y-you??"-
Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/
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Eddie RUKidding
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Posts: 426
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^LOL,
Ok will give it a try
South of the Border
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BBP
Super Administrator
Posts: 8055
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Location: Eindhoven, Netherlands
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I saw an ad for burial plots and thought to myself, "That's the last thing I need!"
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BBP
Super Administrator
Posts: 8055
Registered: 3-10-2005
Location: Eindhoven, Netherlands
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Mood: Cheerful yet relaxed
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I like my men the way I like my coffee: I hate coffee, you racist bastard!
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BBP
Super Administrator
Posts: 8055
Registered: 3-10-2005
Location: Eindhoven, Netherlands
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Mood: Cheerful yet relaxed
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My wife texted me: "Your great." Naturally, I texted back, "No, you're great." She's been happy and smiling all day. My question is: should I tell her
I was correcting her grammar?
My new girlfriend told me I was terrible in bed. I told her, "That's not fair. How can you make a considered judgment in less than a minute?"
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Eddie RUKidding
Sheik Yerbouti Status
Posts: 426
Registered: 11-7-2022
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Farmer Giles and his son are walking home after a long hard day in the fields.
Suddenly a motorbike with a headless rider rides past!
"Did you see that?" says Farmer Giles. His son nods, speechless.
A little further down the lane another headless biker rides past!
Both men stop and look at each other shaking their heads.
A third headless biker passes them further along the lane.
"I'm just wondering here" says the son "Do you think it might be a good idea if you carried your scythe on the other shoulder
South of the Border
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BBP
Super Administrator
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Many years ago, Joseph finally received his exit visa from the Soviet Union so he could emigrate to Israel and join his family. But he could only take
one suitcase. At the Moscow Airport, an enormous customs officer ordered him to, "Open the case!" Joseph did, revealing his few meager belongings and
a bust of Stalin. "What's that?" snarled the customs officer. "What is that?" replied Joseph. "That is our glorious leader, Stalin. I'm taking it to
my new home to remind me of all the wonderful things that he did and the marvelous life I'm leaving behind." "I always knew that you Jews were crazy!
Go!" said the official, tossing the bust into the case. As Joseph arrived at Ben Gurion Airport, he was confronted by an Israeli customs officer.
"Shalom. Welcome to Israel. Open the case." Again, Joseph's belongings were examined and the customs officer noticed the bust. "What's that?" "That is
the bastard, Stalin. I'm taking it to my new home to remind me of all the misery and suffering that he caused me so I can spit on it every day for the
rest of my life." "I always knew you Russians were crazy! Go!" said the official. Finally, Joseph arrived at his new home and unpacked before his
young nephew. He removed the bust of Stalin and set it on a table. "What's that?" asked his nephew. "What's that?" echoed a smiling Joseph. "That, my
son, is eight pounds of gold and a can of black shoe polish!"
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BBP
Super Administrator
Posts: 8055
Registered: 3-10-2005
Location: Eindhoven, Netherlands
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Mood: Cheerful yet relaxed
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What's the best way to comfort an English teacher? "They're, there, their."
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GrayGhost
Frank Zappa Status
Posts: 1303
Registered: 11-7-2022
Location: Under the Light of the Silvery Moon.....
Member Is Offline
Mood: Skeptically Optimistic.....
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