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Movies that suck immensely

scallopino - 24-3-2008 at 15:59

Here's a few I've seen recently to get us going:

The Holiday, starring Cameron Diaz, Jude Law and Kate Winslet. The rest of the family watched it while we were at the grandparents. It's about the above stars swapping houses with people in different countries for confusing reasons and ending up with other people, or something. This is a low point of the chick flick genre, and that's pretty low.

Like Mike, starring "Li'l Bow Bow" and the guy who played Mr McFly in the Back to the Future movies. It's about a kid who finds magic shoes that allow him to.. wait for it... make the NBA at the age of about 11, for a fictional team called the "LA Knights".

Snow Dogs, featuring a bunch of snow dogs and Cuba Gooding Jr. It wasn't funny, dramatic, interesting or informative. What was it? Lame.

Fire away!

polydigm - 25-3-2008 at 06:18

Quote:
Originally posted by scallopino: Like Mike, starring "Li'l Bow Bow" and the guy who played Mr McFly in the Back to the Future movies. It's about a kid who finds magic shoes that allow him to.. wait for it... make the NBA at the age of about 11, for a fictional team called the "LA Knights".

I watched this with my kids and we all kind of enjoyed it, so it's hard to be objective.

:rolleyes:

scallopino - 25-3-2008 at 08:48

Haha! You're much more tolerant than me Poly. But what about the bit when the main basketball guy offers to adopt Lil Bow Bow at the end, and it takes about four minutes for him to realise what the guy is saying?

Are there any movies you don't like?

BBP - 25-3-2008 at 09:45

Of all the movies I've ever seen fragments of, the worst one is undoubtedly Baby Geniuses.
It was recently aired on TV and I missed it, which may be a good thing. Considering I struggled to sit out 20 minutes.

Why did I sit out so many minutes if it sucked? I like not to zap at comedies until I hear the first joke.
The joke that made me zap, was when a plumber was assisted in unbugging a sink by two babies. He asked one of them to hand him a wrench, at which one of the babies tosses him a wrench in the groin. After an ouch, he lectures on the tosser that he didn't ask for the thing baby threw, but for something similar yet totally different.

Other REAL Bad movies I've attempted to sit through, or actually sat through:

-Winnie the Pooh
-Oliver & Co
-musical film Phantom of the Opera. If you have a part requesting a "gorgeous and brilliantly singing young woman" you don't pick a child version of Yoko Ono.
-the BS Crossroads
-Global Heresy. If the phrase "I have something to explain to you" appears three times in five minutes, you have a serious scriptwriting problem.
-Tomorrow Never Dies. I never thought I'd fall asleep at James Bond.
-Bram Stoker's Dracula. Why the name Bram Stoker is attachedd is a mystery. It barely relates to the book. And if you want to include a lot of sex, make a porn flick, rather than turn the two smart modest ladies from the book into cheating nymphomaniacs.
-What Dreams May Come. Looks ace, but real bad jokes (a bird shits on Robin Williams's head) and overly Christian themes make this film a drag.
-Final Destination 2. Only FD I fell asleep at. Really. Nothing but annoying twerps in the cast, combined with a predictable love scene and impossible special effects ruins everything that made FD1 so cool.

scallopino - 28-3-2008 at 15:16

I've decided that movie trailers are totally unreliable. Often some trailers make you really want to see the movie, and then you do, and you think: geez, why couldn't they make it more like the trailer? And other times you'll see trailers that make the movie look totally shit and the movie turns out to be great (the latest Batman for example).

DED - 28-3-2008 at 16:57

Normally there are 3 possible ways
They who do
They who maybe do
They that don't do
If you make a trailer yoy dont do it for people who definitely won't come or people that come for sure.
The trailer is made for the group in the middle. After seeing the movie part of that middlegroup is happy that they came, the other part regrets.
In Music and politics it is the same. Think of the musical difference in albums (for the dedicated) and singles for the mass (money)
Some times the reason why the film is dissapointing is that the trailer (and parts of the movie shown in movieshows) are distroying the story, because you have seen them before.
The best trailers however bring people to the cinema who would not come without the trailer. The fact that they can be dissapointed is not important, they have been (and bought the ticket)

Badchild - 8-4-2008 at 16:08

The latest Asterix Movie (what a fucking waste of time and money).
a thing called "Steak". if you see this in the dvd rental place, run away fast....

However, Black Sheep is a must see!

BBP - 8-4-2008 at 17:15

They messed up on Asterix? Too bad... I loved Contre Caesar, and Cleopatra was OK. Except for all the anachronisms. Anachronisms are NOT FUNNY!

scallopino - 9-4-2008 at 10:52

Anachronisms would be funny if they did the other way around: for example, James Bond pulling out a stone axe.

scallopino - 9-4-2008 at 11:44

Here's a piece of crap: "The Neptune Factor", from 1973. Frank would have loved this movie. It has cheepnis in spades. Somehow, some scientific research centre ends up on the bottom of the ocean, and a little sub is sent down to rescue the crew members. On their way down they see some monstrously enormous sea animals. This would be frightening IF THEY DIDN'T FILM IT IN A FISH TANK USING REGULAR AQUARIUM FISH!!!! That's right! They just used aquarium fish but made them look huge by doing close ups and filming a tiny plastic model submarine in a fish tank!

There are some absolutely classic lines throughout, such as "Jesus Christ, it's going to RAM US!" before cutting to a sea bass! It's truly hilarious. Anyway, they manage to find the research thing and "rescue" the crew, but only before managing to escape some harmless eels, who are not even chasing them.

BBP - 9-4-2008 at 13:45

The movie couldn't possibly be funnier than your explanation... Bad special effects really can piss me off, like in The Spy Who Loved Me with the 2-inch-tall Atlantis.

punknaynowned - 9-4-2008 at 18:12

Quote:
Originally posted by scallopino
Anachronisms would be funny if they did the other way around: for example, James Bond pulling out a stone axe.


yes scallopino!
that's an archaism!
:P

scallopino - 10-4-2008 at 09:20

Does archaism = reverse anachronism?

BBP - 10-4-2008 at 16:47

Archaism: (Oxford Advanced Learner's Dictionary) 1 An archaic word or expression. 2 the use or copying of what is archaic, esp in language and art.
Archaic: 1 very oldfashioned 2 no longer in current use 3 of a much earlier or an ancient period in history.

Anachronism: a person, institution or idea that is old-fashioned, or the placing of sth in the wrong time period.

An anachronism works in both directions, an archaism only in one.

Archaisms can indeed be funny, especially when you're reading something from an earlier time period. Like old comic books or fashion books/magazines.

[Edited on 10-4-08 by BBP]

punknaynowned - 11-4-2008 at 00:08

hahahhahahaa!!!

arkay (phoenetic sounding of the term because I can't find the font here for real greek)
shown in greek letters is 4 characters as a 1st person singular, nominative noun that looks like this:
apXn
but isn't quite. No worries though as the word itself is ancient greek (found in Homer) as origin or first cause, a beginning.
But it gained a meaning through greek of being a head, or top, 'chief', in sense.
The Romans took this, and of course, couldn't quite copy the greek language as the greek's taught them, changed it a bit to mean a citadel, a stronghold, fortress. But in its strictest sense meant THE ARX, on the Capitoline hill in Rome, the holiest of holy temples to Zeus; so it became understood as the chief stronghold in any city. Much later still, it became recognised that these biggest remaining monuments, basilicas oftentimes had soaring huge arches, massive curves that stretched as high as seemed possible, of marble and stone. The latin arcus as used by Vergil and Ovid meant just such curves, like a rainbow's, or the paralell zones round the earth
(:

BBP - 11-4-2008 at 08:29

How fascinating!

punknaynowned - 11-4-2008 at 09:48

woops!
Troy (with Brad Pitt) and Gladiator (with Russel Crowe)
suck immensely

scallopino - 15-4-2008 at 10:44

Quote:
Originally posted by punknaynowned
hahahhahahaa!!!

arkay (phoenetic sounding of the term because I can't find the font here for real greek)
shown in greek letters is 4 characters as a 1st person singular, nominative noun that looks like this:
apXn
but isn't quite. No worries though as the word itself is ancient greek (found in Homer) as origin or first cause, a beginning.
But it gained a meaning through greek of being a head, or top, 'chief', in sense.
The Romans took this, and of course, couldn't quite copy the greek language as the greek's taught them, changed it a bit to mean a citadel, a stronghold, fortress. But in its strictest sense meant THE ARX, on the Capitoline hill in Rome, the holiest of holy temples to Zeus; so it became understood as the chief stronghold in any city. Much later still, it became recognised that these biggest remaining monuments, basilicas oftentimes had soaring huge arches, massive curves that stretched as high as seemed possible, of marble and stone. The latin arcus as used by Vergil and Ovid meant just such curves, like a rainbow's, or the paralell zones round the earth
(:


So "arch" and "archaic" come from the same place?

punknaynowned - 16-4-2008 at 21:28

etymologically
not temporally;-)

BBP - 30-4-2008 at 19:30

To the list of films that suck immensely, I'd like to add
10 Things I Hate About You. The best thing about it is the title.

scallopino - 1-5-2008 at 10:57

Is that the one with (the late) Heath Ledger and some angry young female?

BBP - 1-5-2008 at 12:47

It is! And I'm surprised to see it's a remake of a Shakespeare play.

I watched it in a theatre on a ship, and it did prevent me from getting seasick. Which does not talk up the fact that they try to make you laugh by somebody shooting an arrow in the posterior of somebody else.

(Not enough people use the word "posterior" these days.)

scallopino - 2-5-2008 at 09:29

I agree. Then we could hear:

- I'll kick your posterior, muthafucka
- That movie sucked posterior
- Kiss my posterior
- Get outta the way, fat posterior!
- My team gave your team a real posterior-whooping

BBP - 3-5-2008 at 08:41

You have to admit it beats "behind"... :regan:

Did you see the Wicker Man remake with Nicholas Cage?

scallopino - 4-5-2008 at 14:05

No...i don't think i've ever seen an entire Nicholas Cage movie. What's it about?

BBP - 4-5-2008 at 14:31

It's a remake of another horror movie called "The Wicker Man". Nicholas Cage is a temporarily retiring police man who receives a letter from an ex-girlfriend. She writes she has a kid who's gone missing, and asks him to rescue him. He then goes to an island where women are in control. The very few men are doing slave work.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0450345/

[Edited on 4-5-08 by BBP]

scallopino - 6-5-2008 at 12:09

Geez. It looks awful! And of course a movie involving women in control and men doing work would definitely be a horror movie. Have you seen the original?

BBP - 7-5-2008 at 09:18

No. Maybe I should, but somehow I don't feel like it after seeing such a misogyn production. It's like the classic myth of the Amazones: the reason why men rule the world, is because if women would it, it would be a big mess.

polydigm - 7-5-2008 at 22:14

Don't you think it's a pretty big mess now?

BBP - 8-5-2008 at 07:54

Oh yeah. Bush made a right mess out of things.

scallopino - 8-5-2008 at 14:59

He didn't help, but surely a lot of the world's mess is not his doing. And with Iraq he's just following a long and proud American tradition of waging war on defenceless countries and wasting an immense amount of money on them and keeping them going on and on and on.

BBP - 8-5-2008 at 20:17

{My memory is delving deep into the history class section...} The world was always a mess. It still is. And there's no sign of improvement. :-(

punknaynowned - 10-5-2008 at 20:03

we improve all the time, but they are small steps and most have to be maintained or we lose them, w forget how to take care of them or forget why they matter. Or sometimes frommisuse they become tattered and then discarded for something novel idea that no one's tried yet, it sells and the old ways are forgotten.
This is the year of the rat, though.

scallopino - 11-5-2008 at 04:20

What are you talking about Punky? ;-) You remind me of the venerable Edmund Bourke expounding on the French Revolution. Do you identify with conservatism as a theory?

punknaynowned - 11-5-2008 at 06:17

it seems common sense to me to be sceptical of new things, simply by nature of their newness. Even a good idea may not turn out so hot on the ground (NAFTA?GATT). It's better to know what you're doing before you get into it (IRAQ). Media conglomerates are not our friend. These I guess may be conservative ideas. But what seems like common sense to me is not the democratic norm. Not these days. But I never subscribed to the credit economy or the one based on cars and gas, never bought a house. I'm not part of that debt, that 'conventional wisdom'. But prices for food and rent and utilities go up anyway. If anything, in answer to your question, I think our current econ woes are a product of the false calls of 'fiscal conservatism'. Namely for trickle down economics and 'starve the beast of government spending', tax cuts for the rich, the calls of 'the market is self-correcting' and 'let the private sector handle it'. But they're not. They're in it for themselves. Nothing new there.

Sorry to go on. I've just seen it coming for years and I want to be hopeful about the future here and I live in a vibrant community that actually gives a shit, so I'm lucky and grateful. We'll just be scaling back for awhile.

Jakeobs - 4-8-2008 at 14:36

WAY too many to list but here's a few that immediately spring to mind:

Any movie starring Cameron Diaz from this decade
Any movie starring Jessica Alba PERIOD
Slackers (my personal pick for the worst movie of all time)
Mr. Deeds

BBP - 4-8-2008 at 18:37

It's a good thing I don't know any of those!

Jakeobs - 5-8-2008 at 03:45

Any movie starring Angelina Jolie
Any movie starring (but NOT co-starring) Drew Barrymore
Kevin Smith movies (they just don't hold up well)
John Hughes movies (ditto - and for the record, Heathers is the best teen movie of all time)

zombie1210 - 7-8-2008 at 01:30

Gladiator didnt suck.

scallopino - 8-8-2008 at 14:53

Yeah, I thought Gladiator was good and the woman who did the music is from an area in rural Victoria near where I live. She's really incredible.

BBP - 8-8-2008 at 17:00

Only saw a segment of it in history class, during the introduction week when some historical movies were discussed (among them Barry Lyndon, The Longest Day, and Blackadder (1st series)). Apparently historically it kind of blows.

Gladiators fought naked in those days. That would make a great movie!!

scallopino - 9-8-2008 at 03:27

I guess when you watch it the first time within some kind of analytical framework like that it kind of affects you every other time you see it. If I knew it wasn't historically accurate I probably wouldn't have liked it as much.

BBP - 9-8-2008 at 13:49

That for me also goes for "laws of nature". No more action films for me!

BBP - 12-11-2008 at 19:28

Today I nearly sat through the Emperor's New Groove. Disney only turns to anachronisms for its laughs. Baah.

BBP - 28-12-2008 at 16:52

On Christmas I sat through Mad Money, something about three women who work for a bank in Kansas that destroys money, and who decide to rob a lot of it.

And a day after I sat through Muppets Treasure Island, with a lot of failing jokes and nasty songs, but fortunately with Tim Curry.

scallopino - 29-12-2008 at 06:51

I remember going to see that Muppet movie when I was little. I think my grandmother took me and my sister.

MTF - 29-12-2008 at 07:07

Mamma Mia. My wife rented it the other night, and after ten minutes I was ready to stick knitting needles in my eyes just to get out of watching the rest of it.

Pappawas1975 - 29-12-2008 at 09:41

Quote:
Originally posted by MTF
Mamma Mia. My wife rented it the other night, and after ten minutes I was ready to stick knitting needles in my eyes just to get out of watching the rest of it.


I would rather eat my own shitthan watch that....

BBP - 29-12-2008 at 12:13

Poor MTF! Are you still married?

MTF - 30-12-2008 at 08:22

Quote:
Originally posted by BBP
Poor MTF! Are you still married?

Yes. In fact, our sixteenth anniversary is Wednesday (yes: New Year's Eve).

She puts up with my shit, so I think it's only fair that I tolerate her bad taste in movies.

scallopino - 30-12-2008 at 09:17

Fair enough. I would never go near that movie. Apart from the general idea of it, I really can't stand Pierce Brosnan as a human being. What do you think of Abba in general MTF? I rather like them...but I remember that Bonny does not.

BBP - 30-12-2008 at 09:22

What's wrong with Pierce Brosnan then?

scallopino - 30-12-2008 at 10:34

I never really liked him anyway, but then this started to get played on tv non-stop.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14XWoZeuwK0&feature=related

DED - 31-12-2008 at 08:06

After watching the dutch movies "night of the wild donkeys" and "an Amsterdam tale" I wonder if the Dutch should make movies.

BBP - 31-12-2008 at 09:17

Karakter fortunately disproved that. I believe in most countries the good-film-bad-film ratio is very low.

BBP - 7-7-2009 at 15:19

So until today I would have illustrated how big my Tim Curry-fanhood is by saying: "I sat through Barbie and The Nutcracker for Tim Curry!"
But now I'd say: "I sat through Scary Movie 2 for Tim Curry!" Good God. How could ANYONE see that script and then want to have anything to do with it?

BBP - 22-11-2009 at 18:44

I sat through the first 40 minutes of "4 Dogs Playing Poker", again for Tim Curry. My recent art knowledge butchered it slightly, when I noticed the Degas statuette they were stealing was obviously fake (wrong height and wearing a skirt). Plus there was also a Rembrandt in the room, which they left there.

But that was not my first beef with it. That was when one of Curry's first lines: "If you drop that ice statue I will slay your first-born!" was translated to "...I will castrate you on the spot!"

Also troublesome was witnessing Curry's character (I think he was called Felix. I didn't even bother to remember the names of the 4 main characters) WRAPPING THE STOLEN DEGAS IN A NEWSPAPER... ON THE STREET where everyone could see it.
Then he put the flimsy wrapped statue on the crate at the loading point of the boat, talked some to the guy dealing with shipments, then WENT AWAY, then DISCOVERED the statuette was gone, then SIGNED for having handed it over. :yawn:

During a nasty confrontation with the people who gave out the assignment, he was shot, and for some reason we had to witness how his wound was dealt with. :regan:

And then, when he was hung and his legs were cut off, there was no more fun in it for me. I couldn't care less about the real bad lines and about the characters (I only knew the name of one of the four main ones) so I saved myself an hour and switched it off. Gawd.

BBP - 4-1-2010 at 19:50

OK, that's it... I'll have to be careful with the Curry now.
Today I watched Barbie and the Three Musketeers. It ranks below Nutcracker.

Why? Well... let's list the pluses:
-Tim Curry. Great to see he has a good-looking character, and his acting was not bad (although he did seem to wonder what happened to him to deserve that role)
-Rotoscope animation of human characters was quite good
-Halfway I was treated to an instrumental of EMF's Unbelievable, a song with a riff I adore.

Minuses:
-Hideous songs
-EMF's Unbelievable returned towards the end... in a "girlie" edition, changing the lyrics from bad-girlfriend-bashing to GRRL POWER.
-Although the human movements were realistic, the physical "acting", particularly of the female characters, is far from it. The main characters often look like they're working out with Jane Fonda.
-Bad colour scheme, overly bright and huge slabs of one colour, making grassy fields look like sheets of paper.
-Animation of animals is very poor. The cat, horse and dog are often walking seemingly in thin air.
-Items defy the laws of nature. Particularly the shattered glass of the chandelier and the weapons of the ladies. Deadly fans and ribbons look even more curious than they sound, particularly when swords fail to cut through them.
-While Nutcracker had some terrific dialogue, the jokes in Musketeers are limited to Mus-CAT-teers (as outed by Barbie's pet cat) repeated several times. The "bad guy"'s only sneer at Barbie is when he refers to her as "Blondie".
-Anachronisms... An Disneyland castle in Paris... gee. The Kung Fu Athletic Fighting... list is endless.

BBP - 17-2-2010 at 08:24

Tried to watch 4 Dogs Playing Poker again, since I have all the time of the world now. I got about one scene further. Man it's awful!

BBP - 17-2-2010 at 17:26

Finished it today. Now to make a continuation of the problems:

There seem to have been multiple writers at play, and it shows. One has any character cursing like a blue streak, primarily using the F-word to a ridiculous degree.
Another one is trying to get "in depth". This one even puts in a little silly love scene, and a drooly ending. It doesn't work, since the film is essentially character-less, all the actors are portraying puppets. Getting "meaningful close-ups" doesn't work without any characters.
Part of the lack of characters is in the bad writing: character have no past, no relations, nothing. It's also partly because of the bad acting, by any of the major characters.
There's disturbing discontinuity: eg although Curry plays an obvious Brit and has to travel BA to correspond with his nationality, his passport says he's American, born in the US, and residing in the US.
The eventual "climax" scene has a moving corpse without cause, reason or logic.

Whew, now that that is out of my system...

BBP - 16-6-2010 at 10:29

Queer Duck.

Good points: there's a character who's a pig, and he's called Peccary. And Peccary is voiced by Tim Curry.

Bad points: about anything else.
And why did I find this in the Kids section?

BBP - 17-10-2010 at 20:58

It was a sign. The video stopped playing about 15 minutes in. Eventually I got the tape eaten by the VCR, and DED had to come to the rescue.

But Addams Family Reunion is nothing of a good movie.

DED - 11-11-2010 at 21:35

As you know bbp gave me for my birthday the first half of the first season of the fugitive, later I bought the second half.
But there are 4 seasons wich means 40 dvd's in total. I managed to find torrents and found myself a new site that one is great for old series and movies like Man about the house, Hawai five O I believe and many other. I am now watching Docters in the house. A funny one when I was young. I am planning to download on the buses and good old The invisable man series and with my name irrestistable Mr. Ed the speaking Horse. The website is called xtremetv.org

BBP - 2-4-2011 at 22:18

I know he's not a movie. But Leonard Maltin ruins everything he's on.

DED - 14-4-2011 at 08:53

Quote: Originally posted by BBP  
I sat through the first 40 minutes of "4 Dogs Playing Poker", again for Tim Curry. My recent art knowledge butchered it slightly, when I noticed the Degas statuette they were stealing was obviously fake (wrong height and wearing a skirt). Plus there was also a Rembrandt in the room, which they left there.

But that was not my first beef with it. That was when one of Curry's first lines: "If you drop that ice statue I will slay your first-born!" was translated to "...I will castrate you on the spot!"

Also troublesome was witnessing Curry's character (I think he was called Felix. I didn't even bother to remember the names of the 4 main characters) WRAPPING THE STOLEN DEGAS IN A NEWSPAPER... ON THE STREET where everyone could see it.
Then he put the flimsy wrapped statue on the crate at the loading point of the boat, talked some to the guy dealing with shipments, then WENT AWAY, then DISCOVERED the statuette was gone, then SIGNED for having handed it over. :yawn:

During a nasty confrontation with the people who gave out the assignment, he was shot, and for some reason we had to witness how his wound was dealt with. :regan:

And then, when he was hung and his legs were cut off, there was no more fun in it for me. I couldn't care less about the real bad lines and about the characters (I only knew the name of one of the four main ones) so I saved myself an hour and switched it off. Gawd.
When BBP wrote this , I didnt read it properly, so I forgot the name of the movie. At the end of that year (2009) I bought presents and remembered that BBP was a great fan of Tim Curry, I found a movie with him.. Four dogs ........ BBP as really upset. And I forgot. A few days ago (2011) when I was at the bicyclerepairshop for Saskia's bicycle I went to the nearby outlet and found a Tim Curry movie........Four dogs......
I wanted to surprise her, and boy what a surprise it was!

BBP ends her opinion about me and the movie by punishing me to watch the movie.......and a miracle. I really liked the movie. It had a good plot and a surprising end. The frequent use of the f. word did not upset me, since I was in the middle of British soccer fans of West Ham United. They really couldn't say one single sentence without a at least 3 or four f. in it.
BBP turned it of after a 40 minutes so she saw most keys in the movie, without seeing the rest of the movie you miss the reason of the keys. In the end it will all be clear to you.



[Edited on 14-4-2011 by DED]

BBP - 14-4-2011 at 16:04

I did watch it to the end, but not until my third attempt. The first and second time I quit during the scene when they're plotting what to do after Felix is dead .
My problem with the way they use the F-word is they did it so frequently it became devoid of meaning. I intended to watch it again and count them all, but that is a bit much.