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DED
Administrator
Posts: 1139
Registered: 16-3-2006
Location: NL
Member Is Offline
Mood: a happy upgrader feeling
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DED
Administrator
Posts: 1139
Registered: 16-3-2006
Location: NL
Member Is Offline
Mood: a happy upgrader feeling
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vivien_o_blivion
Super Moderator
Posts: 174
Registered: 2-10-2005
Location: west midlands u.k
Member Is Offline
Mood: pick zappa
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MY NEW FAVORITE TOY 
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BBP
Super Administrator
Posts: 8056
Registered: 3-10-2005
Location: Eindhoven, Netherlands
Member Is Offline
Mood: Cheerful yet relaxed
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World's Second Worst Joke:
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
The picture can be hung with just 1 nail.
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DED
Administrator
Posts: 1139
Registered: 16-3-2006
Location: NL
Member Is Offline
Mood: a happy upgrader feeling
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Time for some bad saddam jokes now 
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BBP
Super Administrator
Posts: 8056
Registered: 3-10-2005
Location: Eindhoven, Netherlands
Member Is Offline
Mood: Cheerful yet relaxed
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scallopino
Frank Zappa Status
Posts: 1321
Registered: 19-11-2005
Location: Melbourne, Austria
Member Is Offline
Mood: No Mood
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HAHAHA! I love cartoons.
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BBP
Super Administrator
Posts: 8056
Registered: 3-10-2005
Location: Eindhoven, Netherlands
Member Is Offline
Mood: Cheerful yet relaxed
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Nothing beats a good gender joke:
Beer or Vagina?
1. Beer is always wet. Vagina needs a little work. Point: BEER
2. Warm beer tastes awful. Point: VAGINA
3. A really cold beer is satisfying. Point: BEER
4. If, after taking a swig of your favorite beer, you find a hair between your teeth, you may vomit. Point: VAGINA
5. If you come home reeking of beer, your wife may get mad. If you get home reeking of vagina, your wife may leave you. Hmmmm? Point: DRAW
6. Ten beers in one night and you can’t drive home. Ten vaginas in one night and you don’t want to drive anywhere. Point: VAGINA
7. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, you may harm your reputation. If you eat a lot of vagina in public, you may become a legend. Point:
VAGINA
8. If a cop stops you and smells beer on your breath, you may get arrested. If a cop stops you and smells vagina on your breath, he may buy you a
beer. Point: VAGINA
9. You normally don’t find old beer. Point: BEER
10. Too much beer and you’ll see stars. Too much vagina and you’ll see God. Point: VAGINA
11. Ripping off a beer bottle label is boring. Ripping off panties is fun. Point: VAGINA
12. Most places tax beer. Point: VAGINA
13. If you have another beer, your first beer never gets pissed off. Point: BEER
14. You know for sure if you’re the first to open a beer. Point: BEER
15. If you shake beer, it gets agitated but eventually settles down. Point: BEER
16. You always have a choice of beers: clear, dark, pilsner, ale, lager, etc. Point: BEER
17. You always know how much beer will cost. Point: BEER
18. Beer doesn’t have a mother. Point: BEER
19. Beer never expects to cuddle after you drink it. Point: BEER
20. Tapping a Keg? Easy. Tapping a Vagina? May take weeks. Point: BEER
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Final Score
BEER: 11
VAGINA: 8
The winner is: BEER
PS: If you are a woman and now feel angry, degraded or discriminated against, just remember that BEER would experience none of those feelings, let
alone express them. Score one extra point for BEER!
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aquagoat
King Kong Status
Posts: 2170
Registered: 15-3-2006
Location: France
Member Is Offline
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punknaynowned
Frank Zappa Status
Posts: 1283
Registered: 29-8-2006
Member Is Offline
Mood: No Mood
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ha!
somebody forgot,
21. You don't get a hangover from Vagina. Point: Vagina
and
16. should read, There are far more kinds of vagina than beer. Point: Vagina
[so beer loses a point and vagina gains it!: 10-10]
now for the tie breaker . . .
22. I don't drink beer, therefore, by rights more vagina for me! Pont: Vagina.
and by that scoring, Vagina wins by a hair!
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BBP
Super Administrator
Posts: 8056
Registered: 3-10-2005
Location: Eindhoven, Netherlands
Member Is Offline
Mood: Cheerful yet relaxed
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Beer doesn't get you babies. beer doesn't spend piles of money on preventing the coming of them. Beer doesn't want you to be sterilised.
Also, if the wife comes over, the beer will have no problems hiding in the fridge.
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DED
Administrator
Posts: 1139
Registered: 16-3-2006
Location: NL
Member Is Offline
Mood: a happy upgrader feeling
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Penguin
A man was walking along Hietzinger Hauptstrasse near Parkhotel
Schönbrunn when he found a penguin walking along the road.
So he picked it up and took it to the local police station.
He said to the policeman "I found this penguin on Hietzinger
Hauptstrasse, near Parkhotel Schönbrunn. What should I do with it?"
The policeman looked at the man and said "It's obvious what you should
do with it! Take the penguin to Schönbrunn Zoo.
The man said "Of course, I'll take it to the zoo" and he left the police
station with the penguin under his arm.
The next day the policeman was on duty in the city centre when he saw
the man walking along the street with the penguin by his side. The policeman stopped the man and said "I thought I told you to take the penguin to the
zoo?"
The man replied "Yes, I took it to the zoo yesterday. Today I'm taking it to see the Opera House."
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BBP
Super Administrator
Posts: 8056
Registered: 3-10-2005
Location: Eindhoven, Netherlands
Member Is Offline
Mood: Cheerful yet relaxed
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A man walks into a sex shop and asks for a black condom.
-Well Sir, we have blue condoms, pink condoms, yellow condoms, purple condoms, gold condoms, silver condoms, red condoms, orange condoms, lubricated
consoms, rough-cut condoms, smooth condoms, libbed condoms, peppermint flavoured condoms, spearmint flavoured condoms, strawberry flavoured condoms,
chocolate flavoured condoms, striped condoms, polka dot condoms, party condoms, French tickler condoms...
But we don't have any black ones in stock. I could order them but it will take some time.
-Oh. I need one today. The husband of my mistress has just died and I want to pay her my condoleances.
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DED
Administrator
Posts: 1139
Registered: 16-3-2006
Location: NL
Member Is Offline
Mood: a happy upgrader feeling
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Q: What's musical and handy in a supermarket?
A: A Chopin Liszt.
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BBP
Super Administrator
Posts: 8056
Registered: 3-10-2005
Location: Eindhoven, Netherlands
Member Is Offline
Mood: Cheerful yet relaxed
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DED
Administrator
Posts: 1139
Registered: 16-3-2006
Location: NL
Member Is Offline
Mood: a happy upgrader feeling
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you re punished for deeplinking  ?
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BBP
Super Administrator
Posts: 8056
Registered: 3-10-2005
Location: Eindhoven, Netherlands
Member Is Offline
Mood: Cheerful yet relaxed
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A man walks into a bar and spots someone who is slamming tequilas. He watches him for a while, sees him walk out, go to a nearby church tower, climb
to the top, jump off and walk back to the cafe.
"How did you do that?"
"Well, whenever I drink tequila, it's like time runs much slower."
The man decides to try it for himself. He has several tequilas, climbs up the church tower, and falls to his death.
Barman: "You're such a dick when you're drunk, Superman."
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BBP
Super Administrator
Posts: 8056
Registered: 3-10-2005
Location: Eindhoven, Netherlands
Member Is Offline
Mood: Cheerful yet relaxed
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What's the difference between Heaven and Hell?
In Heaven, the Germans are the bureaucrats, the English are the cops, and the French are the cooks.
In Hell, the French are the bureaucrats, the Germans are the cops, and the English are the cooks.
(If you're offended by this, I heard it from a Brit.)
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scallopino
Frank Zappa Status
Posts: 1321
Registered: 19-11-2005
Location: Melbourne, Austria
Member Is Offline
Mood: No Mood
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This is a commercial that could easily be a joke:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RbG1jHewWw
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BBP
Super Administrator
Posts: 8056
Registered: 3-10-2005
Location: Eindhoven, Netherlands
Member Is Offline
Mood: Cheerful yet relaxed
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It is, and I had heard it before.
Two men are walking in a field.
"You see that tree over there? That's where I lost my virginity."
"Really? Tell me more!"
"Oh, it was embarrassing! Her mother caught us!
"Ouch! And, what did she say?"
"Baaaaah..."
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